The World is Cold

I cannot grasp the chaos that struck a Texas church earlier this week. The news tightened around my throat like a vice as I stared at the headline. The words, “God, not again,” slipped out. While I sat in a sanctuary with my family worshiping my Father, exhausted and frustrated because of my post-daylight-savings-time toddler, another group of believers was facing its worst nightmare. Evil walked into the body of Christ’s most sacred place and got a three-pointer in the game between good and evil.tree-2898647_1920

Every American, Christian or not, asks why. Perhaps, God allowed this evil to happen because this country is experiencing His punishment and wrath for how we’ve ignored Him. But when I think of the innocent believers who were left helpless inside that church, it occurs to me that perhaps committed followers of Christ were simply caught in the crossfire of lies and hatred.

Unfortunately, in today’s culture we are forced to raise our children in a world where active shooters are ever-present. I mentioned to my husband that perhaps he should start carrying in church. Bringing a gun to church? Surely this is not the world my children live in. Surely there’s been some mistake. Surely God will not allow this.

In a world where chaos reigns and God is rejected, only one thing is sure. Surely the Lord will prevail. Amen! For this recurrent chaos may temporarily destroy our sense of security, but it cannot destroy our eternal rest. We cannot help but rejoice that those precious lives taken too soon and so violently are residing with the Savior of the world right now. They have no memory of their deaths or the hatred that took them, for all they can see is Jesus Christ. What a glorious sight that must be!

candles-2628473_1920Amid persistent violence, helpless, lost, fearful people are turning to God with repentant hearts. Even while Christians are being massacred, He can and will further His kingdom. Even the fiercest unbeliever cannot help but seek out comfort and will eventually recognize that God is the only one who can remove this fear. For those who seek Him, find Him. So, as Christians are dying on the floor of the world God created, this fear plays a role in the birth of a new Christian. This is certainly something to celebrate!


I Would Rather Eat Cilantro (I Hate Cilantro)

Before I begin, I want each one of you, whether Republican, Democrat, Christian, Atheist, Black, White, Straight, Gay, or otherwise to consider that perhaps none of this has anything to do with politics, nor is it about racism, nor women’s right. Politics is an inconsequential, yet necessary, social construct, whereas Christ’s presence and lack thereof in many belief systems throughout this nation is paramount. It is indispensable. It is literally a matter of life and death, Heaven and Hell.

I’m just going to have to start this post as honestly as possible by admitting that posting this is the last thing I want to do. Like all of you, I am tired of hearing about this election; I am tired of being treated poorly for my beliefs; I am tired of trying to convince the blind and disillusioned that they are indeed blind and disillusioned; I am especially tired of trying to convince others that I am not judgmental or hateful, but simply unable to remain silent, because I love Jesus. As tired as I am however, I don’t think that a Christian should be silent. A Christian should stand up, defend the principles that this country was founded upon, and in turn, defend the heavenly Father who is probably quite tired of being spit upon by the self-centered entitlement of this nation.


Let me be clear: God does not need me to defend Him, and He most certainly does not need my help saving this nation’s soul. I guess I am doing this for those who don’t know they need saving. Christ has asked each one of us to help lost souls find Him, and I’m praying this may help. I need to be saved. My mom, who is an avid reader of my blog, needs to be saved. My son needs to be saved. And yes, you need to be saved. We all need Jesus, and we all need him equally. This is what leads me to write this blog post, which I am sure will be taken in the wrong context and I will be accused of all sorts of hatred, judgment, and arrogance while simply trying to…. Again… open the eyes of the blind.

It is my prayer that perhaps God has placed it upon my heart to say something because He longs for me to use my gifts in a positive way. That is always my hope for my writing. I still face the idea that this post will make any sort of a difference with some doubt. As a wise woman recently reminded me, “There is none so blind as those who will not see.” How true. I am not sure there is anyone out there who really desires to see the truth, hence the immense tumult the American people currently find themselves. I do think, however, that we all desire better, and I am here to say, hopefully in chorus with an abundance of other Christian voices, that I know how we can find the better.

It is Jesus.jesus-1740418_1280

It is Jesus.

It is Jesus.

If you think there is anything else that will heal this nation, you are blind.

It is Jesus.

Whether you agree with my beliefs or disagree, I pray that anyone who could receive the slightest amount of encouragement from this piece of writing will read it. I pray this is not a waste of time. I pray that God will use it how he wishes, and perhaps, will smile down upon this nation for just a moment because He sees many of us still fighting to do His will, no matter how beat down we may be. I also pray that any person who lost hope after this election and might find some restoration of that hope through the words written on this page, that he or she will read this, whomever that may be. I pray the Christian who needs to be reminded of God’s sovereignty, will read this. I pray the Liberal who now lives in fear, will read this. Most of all, I pray this post will not lead to more anger and more sin, but that anyone who takes in these words will be humble and willing to accept and process my views in the absence of hate.

God’s will for the United States of America in unknown. It takes me roughly 10 seconds of surfing a social media app before realizing that many of us have fallen into the appealing and effortless lifestyle of moral bankruptcy. This lack of morals is downright terrifying, and frankly, just despicable. I don’t know how God will punish us, but I know He will and I know we will deserve it and I know it will be just. Many of us should rest peacefully in this reality. In a world where justice is no more, God still is.

Even though I am aware of God’s sovereign power in America, I still wonder what His plan might be as I read and see hatred being spread like a virus. It pains me to say that if I were God, I think my plan would be to bring America to its knees. I think my plan would be to let us destroy one another, since we have made it perfectly clear that we think this is the best option.

flagSome Christians are now resting easy with Trump in the Oval, assuming the Lord has rescued us from the sinful, immoral, divisive beliefs of the Liberal establishment. However, many Christians are still very aware that Trump is an unlikely candidate to be used as an instrument in God’s plan to rescue America. I have laughed many times since Tuesday: It is so depressing that I am excited Donald Trump is in office. Donald Trump. He may literally be the single most arrogant man in history. I have, on more than one occasion, had a strong desire to knock him alongside the head.

No matter what kind of Christian you are, one thing is sure, you have hope. Whether the Lord uses Donald Trump to restore us or to bring us to our knees, we are always able to curl up in His arms and seek refuge. God’s immense love for each one of us really is a beautiful thing.

For those who fear Trump, I am sorry, deeply sorry, and you will be in my prayers for the next four years. I will pray for you because I know what it is like to fear the government. The day Obama was elected in 2008 was possibly one of the most depressing days of my life. Myself, my family, and many of my friends have lived in fear for eight years. Just as many of you believe Trump will strip you of your rights, I also believed Obama would strip me of mine.

For eight years, I purchased as many guns and as much ammo as my finances would allow, believing that one day I would be told it is no longer my right to own one, leaving me completely unable to defend myself against the contagious violence pulsing through this country.

For eight years, I assumed I would have no other choice but to homeschool my children because of the disturbing and anti-Biblical messages they were guaranteed to face in a public-school system.cropped-images.jpg

For eight years, I feared that socialism would take away my rights, and I would have no choice but to submit to a government that demanded I deny my love for Christ.

For eight years, I begged the Lord to save His unborn children, to open the eyes of the blind so that every child would get to see the light of day.

For eight years, as terrorism soared, I feared that my American way of life would be disregarded and overthrown by a radical who was in my country illegally.

So, I will remind you again, I know what it is like to be afraid.racism

I will not validate your fear as I firmly believe Trump has every intention of protecting each one of you. However, I also won’t disregard it, as so many of you disregarded mine when Obama was in control. This is why it has never been more important, nor has the timing ever been more perfect, for us to unite. We have been there and now you are there. We must have compassion and you must have patience. No matter our beliefs, our desires are the same–to better our country.

It is not my place nor my right to judge Donald Trump’s relationship with the Lord. His behavior leads me to assume he is far from knowing Christ. However, by listening to Christian Conservative sources instead of the dishonest Liberal media throughout his campaign, I do know he is conscious of Christianity and desires to have men of God surround him while in the White House. This brings me an immense amount of relief: It has been such a long time since I felt like God may have a place in our government.

I voted for Trump, and I did not do so because I am a racist, misogynistic, radical, white-lover. I voted for Trump solely because, between my two choices, he offered more of a chance of bringing us back to Christ. I firmly believe that God can do anything and use anybody, but it was my duty during the election to do what I could to get a man in office that at least has an awareness of a higher power. Trump’s comments and behavior disturb me as much as they do you, however he has surrounded himself with outspoken Christian men: Mike Pence, Ben Carson, James Dobson. In my frail, human perspective, for Trump, there was hope–for Hillary, there was none. Trump is still a bit of a mystery to me, whereas, Hillary blatantly and ruthlessly disregards constitutional rights, human life, my faith, and my Father. She made it perfectly clear that her agenda involved giving Americans less rights, giving the government more control, and shoving Jesus further out of the picture.

Despite all of these reasons, I would have only needed one to convince me that Hillary was not fit to be our president. Hillary Clinton has felt life growing inside her. She knows what it’s like to lay awake at night, unable to sleep, because the child within her beats at her ribcage with much vengeance and no mercy. She knows what it’s like to have her child react to the sound of her voice in utero. This is what makes it terrifying and deeply disturbing that she supports the idea of killing one of them. Any woman who has had a life inside her knows, in perhaps only the deepest parts of her heart, that it is indeed a life, with a personality, an appearance, and a soul all its own. A woman like this has no place in government, and without repentance, she will have no place in heaven.

Always aware of Trump’s enormous flaws, I find comfort in my faith. No matter what God’s plan for this country may be, I know He is in control and He is powerful enough to change Trump’s heart, and I will pray each day that Trump be open to receiving God’s guidance. I also find comfort in the many ways God has used vile and sinful people in the past to accomplish His will. I think of David, who had his lover’s husband killed, in order to cover up his affair. Despite David’s sinful nature, he served and loved God with all his heart, living as a servant of the Lord for the better part of his life. I think of Rahab, a prostitute from Jericho, no doubt covered from head to toe in unspeakable sin, who became an ancestor of Jesus because she chose to follow God.

If you believe the Bible is too far removed from the reality of the day, look at every single one of us. Each one of us is a disgusting, vile, selfish, hateful sinner, but each one of us has every opportunity to know and love Christ and be washed of these sins, no matter how filthy. This is a gift many of us are ignoring as we take on a fight that would not even exist if we allowed Christ back into this country.


The reality is that many of us have forgotten God, and therefore, we have lost sight of what is best for us. Trump scares many of you because he may take away things that should have never been given to you in the first place. He may take away some of the vile sins that you have been free to commit with no discipline and with no conscience, simply because you do not know better. It is not your fault that you do not know better; standing upon any sort of principle is difficult when you have no compass. If God chooses to have mercy upon us and uses Trump to free this nation from our godless government, you will have no choice but to turn to God, or live in a state of constant fear and injustice—an injustice that Satan longs for you to recognize, to fight against, to augment with more bitterness. It is not injustice to bring God back into our world. There is nothing more just than a father who disciplines his children, and we need to be disciplined. It is important that we see it as a blessing.

I do know one thing. Whether a Liberal or a Conservative is in office, none of us should fear anything but the Lord. Turn to Him and He will protect you. He will equip you with all that you need to survive the next four years. How do I know this? God tells each one of us in His holy word—the Bible. Imagine how many may be brought to Him through this election. Imagine how many have already realized their immense need for him through this election. He works good in everything, and yes, that means even this torturous political season.

Now, one last word for the Christians of this nation: Stop being afraid to speak out. This is our chance. Take it. Stand up. It is not hateful to call another’s way of life wrong. Jesus did it all the time. Our voices need to be heard, but they will not be heard, if we do not speak. If fear causes you to remain silent in a world that is blatantly rejecting the God you love, you are choosing the world over your Father. Choose God and stand up. He will protect us all and reward us for doing His work.

cross-1448946_1280Jesus will heal this land. We have fallen too far to be saved by anything but Him. Not one of us is perfect and free from judgment, discipline, or our enormous need for forgiveness. This nation must humble itself before the Lord and repent, asking God to heal us, however He see fit. Satan is using the media to climax racism and injustice, so stop looking for it and making it the foremost issue. We must stop seeing protest and violence as a way to healing, but instead we must pray for one another for this is the highest form of love. We must return to the Bible and seek guidance from God’s living word. We must open our hearts to the Lord and stop believing that we can fix this on our own, without God’s love to guide us. Throw off your selfishness and find Christ.

Who Should I Thank for my Racism?

I am not racist.


Despite the fact that I grew up in a predominantly white community in North Dakota, I was not unaware or immune to the many racist comments and viewpoints I encountered.


I was not racist when my Louisiana-born Grandaddy would mumble disturbing comments directed toward African Americans, which my young, naive ears were never meant to hear.


racismI was not racist when I sat in a 6th grade classroom in September 2001 and watched desperate men and women jump from the windows of a building to escape being burned, while my teacher rushed to the front of the room to change the channel to something a little less disturbing for a group of 11 year-olds.


I was not racist when a Marine I knew well insinuated that African Americans in his platoon worked a little less than the rest.


I was not racist when I found myself constantly surrounded by North Dakotans who claimed Native Americans were all lazy drunks who did nothing but take money from the government.


I was not racist when I struggled to understand an African American peer’s vernacular in college.


Racism is a sin. Plain and simple. There is no getting around it. There is no claiming that it is justified. It is a sin. If you claim yourself to be a follower of Christ, yet lock your doors more quickly when an African American is walking by your car, you may consider repenting of your snap judgments. Up until a few short months ago, this was a sin I did not regularly repent of, nor did I see the need to do so.


I truly was not racist. I never noticed the color of a person’s skin. I never cared, believing that a white man and a black man and a brown man were the same, the only separation literally being the color of their skin.


I was not racist.


The first time I realized this statement may no longer be true was shortly after the shooting of Philando Castile in St. Paul, Minneapolis. There had been countless shootings of young, black men in the news, the Black Lives Matter movement intensifying with each one. However, I mostly ignored these stories. Of course, I found the loss of life to be sad, but I also could not stand watching the media take the side of the dead man without hesitation, never considering the possibility that the police officer performed a justified shooting. It angered me, so I ignored it.


The story of Philando Castille captivated me, much like it did the rest of the nation. There were different details in this particular shooting which spiked my interest, one of those details being the horrifying video of Philando’s death which was posted on social media. I could not resist watching the media reports of Philando’s death; I found myself praying for both him and the police officer who shot him.


As I learned of the story, racist thoughts entered my mind, as I won’t deny my tendency to give a police officer the benefit of the doubt. However, I continued to shove these thoughts away, knowing they weren’t right and Philando deserved just as much benefit of the doubt as the police officer did. All I wanted to do was hear the facts, just the facts.



Shortly after this shooting, I was sitting in a parking lot with my sleeping boy in the backseat waiting for my mom to get done with her haircut. I chose to waste time by surfing Facebook, and when I looked up out into the parking lot,  I saw an African American man walking by my suburban. He had a red do-rag on his head, an oversized white t-shirt with a large gold cross around his neck, black jeans hanging low with a chain in his right pocket, and he walked with a swagger stereotypically given to a black man who is up to no good.


I did not hesitate, nor did I think about what I was doing. While I continued to eye the man, I reached up and locked the doors of my suburban. The moment my doors were locked and I felt safe again, I realized to my dismay that my view of people of different races may be starting to evolve.


Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse from that moment. My thoughts have become more racist and I have begun to notice the color of a person’s skin before I see anything else. This is something I never wanted for myself. It is certainly something I don’t want for my son.


I become a little more racist each time I see the media portray an armed African American as a victim, instead of a criminal. All the while portraying a police officer, just desperately trying to do his job, as a sinister, vindictive murderer. The media will do this before any facts are actually revealed.


I become a little more racist each time I see a group of African Americans supporting a spoiled, naive NFL player while he proudly disrespects my country’s flag, my country’s military, my country’s freedom.


I become a little more racist as a protest builds in intensity just outside my city concerning the rights of Native Americans. Each time I hear one of them hurt a member of law enforcement or vandalized a piece of equipment because they consider themselves entitled to do so just because of the color of their skin, my racism grows.


I become a little more racist when I hear Donald Trump attended a black church in Detroit in order to gain more support of the African American community. I feel like the only one in the nation that recognizes a church being called black is just as racist as if I were to call my church white, which I would never do, despite the high percentage of Caucasian members.


I become a little more racist when I begin to notice the double standard that white people now must face in this nation. The hypocrisy of those of other races who can use violence against police officers, yet the police officers must now think twice before they use any type of force against them.


I become a little more racist when the cold blooded murder of five Dallas police officers is considered a protest when if it were done by a group of white men, it would be considered a massacre.


I become a little more racist when the NFL will not allow the Dallas Cowboys to wear a decal on their helmets honoring these police officers, yet Colin Kaepernick is allowed to sit down in utter disrespect during the National Anthem.racism


I become a little more racist at the realization that I am not allowed to be racist, but me and my family can be called rich and white while no one even recognizes this as blatant hypocrisy.


I become a little more racist when I finally admit that perhaps, I now have to call myself a racist because of the violence and the entitlement that many of different cultures use against a white person.


I become a little more racist when I realize that perhaps making me into a racist is exactly what the media wants, perhaps it’s even what the government wants.


I know I am a sinner. I know it is wrong to be racist. I know I must now repent of my negative feelings toward those of other races.


I cling to the knowledge that not all Native Americans feel entitled to criminal activity while protesting a pipeline across a river.



I cling to the knowledge that not all African Americans support the violence being done by the Black Lives Matter movement.


I know there are many corrupt cops in our nation that should be fired or put into prison.


I know these things just as much as I know that not all Muslims are terrorists.


I pray that my convictions never weaken enough to begin placing every person of a different race into the same category. It is when we start doing this that we have truly lost.


Violence is not the answer. Entitlement is not the answer. Hypocrisy is not the answer. Your desperate, forceful, and unlawful attempts to eradicate this country of racism and establish equality is doing nothing more than further widening the gulf between my race and yours. We are moving backward, creating a more definite barrier between groups of people based upon the color of their skin.


I can honestly say, at this moment, I have never felt more separate from a person of another race. I have never felt more like we all really just might be enemies, despite my complete naivety of this fact just months ago.


I know this nation has not always been fair to those of other races, but now it is the Caucasian that this nation is no longer treating fairly.

Stereotypes are unfair. Stereotypes are the foundation of racism. I think it is time we all stop proving them to be right. Jesus Christ dictates what is right and what is wrong and He does not change the rules based upon the color of your skin.racism